I’ll spare you all the pictures for this post. I’m sure you all have good enough imaginations that you don’t need to see pictures of poop: mine, yours, or someone else’s. ,
So while I might not show you pictures about poop, I am going to talk about it. If you’re squeamish you might want to just close the browser now or find another post to read.
If you care about your digestive tract, however; it is super important that you read this.
Poop should not be hard, it should not be watery, it should not be clumpy or cracked, it should not be black, it should not be red, it should not hurt when it comes out, it should not make a big splash or “PLOP” when it drops into the bowl, and it shouldn’t smell very strongly.
Poop SHOULD: Be soft and pliable, be one, long “S” shaped piece, easy to pass, have a mild odor, be brown (any shade is fine), and should make a sound like a diver going into the water when it hits the bowl “WOOSH”!
In the past, I’ve had those cracked, hard, extremely thick poops that require a fan, a match, and a nice spray of Airwick for livable breathing conditions. They were far from soft and pliable and hit the water like a satellite falling from space, generally landing with a nice SPLASH of dirty toilet water onto my bum. My poops were few and far between, always painful, sometimes bloody.
I have used probiotics in the past, and they have often helped with my bowels when I take them. I found some great ones a couple of months ago but I keep falling off the wagon and forgetting to take them.
Since I started Eating Like a Dinosaur, my poop has changed SO much.
About a week into the lifestyle, I went poop, closed my eyes, inhaled, and thought I was at a farm. It wasn’t super stinky like farms can be, but it smelled mooooreeee…grassy? Wild? Something like that. I thought it was awesome.
Since then, my poo has been softer, I have had no bleeding, no pain while pooping, I can’t hear the poop hit the water, there has been no dirty toilet water splashing up on my derriere, no bleeding from fissures, and not much of an odor. I’ve also noticed that I’m not gassy at ALL. I honestly can’t tell you the last time I cut the cheese. Or farted. Or produced flatulence. (Pick one, I like ‘em all). I know we all fart, every single day, but mine haven’t been explosive or stank enough for anyone to notice, let alone clear out a room.
Kyle has had gastric problems as long as I’ve known him. He blamed it on vitamins, vegetables, probiotics, fruit, ANYTHING healthy. Never did he ever think that he had a gluten or grain issue until this past week.
He has been complaining that his farts don’t smell bad. It’s a mark of your manliness to have really stinky, paper-mill farts, you know? So now that Kyle has been knocked down a notch on the Totem ManFartPole, he’s a little bummed.
Then he went and did the unthinkable. He ate a sandwich with BREAD for lunch and RICE NOODLES for dinner! *GASP*! You’ll never guess what happened a few hours later. His bowels were tossing and turning. They were rockin’ and rollin’. They were talking to him loud and freaking clear. What they were saying was, “You douche. We’ve been doing SO well and then you go off the handle, eat a sandwich AND rice noodles, and now we’re pissed at you. SO pissed, that we’re going to stink up your entire house and cause you to have explosive diarrhea.”
And they weren’t lyin’.
The highlight of my night was when he admitted that it was the bread and noodles, not the vegetables that I have been feeding him. He finally admitted that vegetables likely do not make him crap his brains out and he agreed that he didn’t like the way he was feeling all gassy and gross.
So there you have it. Our own personal Paleo Poop Parable.
You can believe it, ask other Primals, or take it with a grain of wheat. But for Kyle’s poop not to stink and for Kyle to not be consistently gassy, is a miracle from the very center of Heaven.
It is proof that the things you eat make you sick. If you have bowel or gastric problems, I urge you to change your diet. It WILL work.