FAMILY: YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO READ THIS. Consider yourself warned.
It’s been three weeks since Kyle left us and I’ve been doing great! The kids are easier to handle because it’s just me and we have a specific routine. We do what we do because we have to do it without him and we can’t rely on him to pick up my slack. It’s been much easier than I thought it would be and for that I am thankful. With lots of prayer and determination, I have managed to remain sane, continue to work out, and to get the house packed.
The last thing on my mind has been sex.
I was cycling when Kyle left and prior to that we had been traveling, staying with family where we didn’t even consider doing the deed, (you’re welcome, Renee). If any of you know anything at all about endometriosis or PCOS, you know that you just DON’T do it while you’re cycling unless you want to wind up in a Bloody Mary-type blood bath.
SO it’s been like 5 weeks. I’m cool with that! I can hang. I have too much on my mind to take the mental time to even consider getting down and dirty so it’s really OK.
But not for Kyle. He’s flipping out. I think he thinks his penis is going to shrivel up and fall off from lack of use if he doesn’t get some immediately.
SO he called me the night before last and said he couldn’t wait until next Wednesday to see my vagina. Er…Me. He said that I needed to come to Raleigh STAT.
I reminded him that if he was out of lube, he could go to an adult shop and get some. He doesn’t want artificial lube.
I reminded him that the 12th wasn’t all that far away. He couldn’t go another day.
I finally said I’d come despite the massive amounts of packing and cleaning that I still have to do because I can’t stand the thought of his penis becoming dust in the wind.
I mean, I still want to use it!
Just not so much right now.
So I’ve been mentally preparing myself for a busy Friday and an even busier Monday and Tuesday to make up for my absence on Saturday and Sunday.
Then I get a text message this morning with this picture in it:
Yes, that is a speeding ticket. For $203. It costs $67 to fill the van up from empty. I would have had to fill up to get there and fill up once to get home. That equals $134. Plus the cost of snacks and drinks for the kids would have added MAYBE $15. A box of condoms would run me approximately $10.
That is a total of $159.
It would have been cheaper for me to go visit him than it was for him to drive home last night, going 69 in a 50. WHAT. THE. HECK.
I desperately need a new purse. And while I’m not a purse whore or a bag snob, I want a bag that is going to last me a couple of years. Something that will be time- and season-less too. I hate switching bags. I had my sights set on a new Coach from the outlet. $200 at the most.
But he told me we didn’t have the money for something like that right now.
Apparently we DO have the money for a $203 speeding ticket, though.
So my vagina and I are now staying in Savannah for the weekend to resume packing and cleaning.
If you’re in the area and want to see me, please come by and help pack. Shoot, come by and WATCH me pack. But at least come keep me company.
You know where I live.
I received promotional consideration from EdenFantasys. All conjugal visits and other situations are 100% my own.