Today marks exactly 3 months since we started our Paleo journey. I’ve lost 36lbs (although REALLY I’ve lost 40 because I gained 4lbs on our trip to Florida wherein I indulged in Chipotle and had ice cream twice and other TOTALLY not Paleo treats. I’ve since lost those 4lbs and an additional 5lbs.) I feel [...]
started off as a 10 item list but because it was so stinking long, I broke it into two parts. You are graced today with Part 2. This one is sure to knock a few socks off.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #6: No Doctor is (sometimes) the Best Doctor
I don’t go running to the doctor every time my kids get runny noses or fevers. I realize that the body has natural defenses in place to rid itself of viruses and bacteria. I allow the body ample time to prove to me that it can do what it is made to do before running to the first doctor in the phone book. I look to natural remedies before making antibiotics my go-to cure-all. I am so proud of the body’s ability to heal itself and I love seeing it in action.
Now don’t get me wrong. When Grady was up at 1am barking like a seal and heaving difficult breaths, I was at the ER in a heartbeat. But for the normal, hum drum runny nose or fever? We stay home and get lots of fluids and cuddles in.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #7: No Milk is the Best Milk
Grady is still breastfed and he is 13 months old. I don’t plan on weaning him any time soon. Madilyn has massive constipation issues (we’re talking Turd of the Century), and cow’s milk complicates them so we don’t drink it.
We have Almond milk and coconut milk but no dairy.
“HOW DO THEY GET THEIR CALCIUM?!”
Welp, almond milk has more calcium than dairy milk and is just generally healthier. My kids get my milk, almond milk, coconut milk, or no milk at all.
“THEN WHAT ELSE DO THEY DRINK?”
Chew on this: We are the only species of animal that drinks the milk of another animal. Gwoss.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #8: Let Them Watch TV!
The TV is perpetually on at my house. My husband is obsessed and Madilyn likes the background noise. She doesn’t sit in front of the TV and constantly watch it, but even while she’s playing, she enjoys hearing her “shows”. Their night time routine consists of a bath then 30 minutes with Sprout. At noon we watch Caillou for an hour. EVERY. STINKING. DAY. Mommy needs to get something done around the house? Let them eat cake. Er…I mean…watch TV.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #9: Body Art is A-OK
I have 4 tattoos, The Workaholic has 1. One is on my foot, I have an enormous tree on my left side/rib cage, kanji for “Summer” on my left shoulder, and the big dipper on my foot. I can’t very well tell my kids to not draw all over themselves with markers, can I? This leads me to follow the “lead by example” form of parenting. It doesn’t always work out that way but if Madilyn does or says something naughty and I know I’ve done or said the same thing, I don’t jump down her throat.
Sharpie all over your body? My bad. Hope you had fun! Now where can I put those markers where they can’t find them?
“Bad Parenting” Technique #10: I Discipline My Children
*GASP* I use all forms of discipline. Nothing cruel and unusual, but I use all forms. Time out is Madilyn’s favorite. Swatting her rear end lightly, really gets her attention and all I have to do is ask her, “What happens when you don’t listen?” She generally stops whatever she’s doing immediately.
Yeah. I said swatting. Call it what you will. Spanking. Tapping. Abuse. Fear mongering. Whatever. I’m the parent of my own kids. It is my duty to discipline (Definition: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character) as I see fit.
My mom spanked me. Did I like it? Nope.
Did I fear her? I feared the consequences of my actions when I messed up, sure.
Did I feel as though she didn’t love me? No. Spanking was always followed up by a heart-to-heart talk, just as it is in our home now.
Was spanking effective for me? Yes. I was rarely spanked and I always thought about the consequences of my actions before I did anything.
Do I fear her now? No. As a matter of fact, we have an open and honest relationship and she is one of my closest friends now that I am also an adult.
We also practice grounding, eliminating fun time, taking things away, etc… Styles loves his laptop, DSi, and XBox more than words. When he makes bad choices, his rights to those things are removed for prescribed periods of time. You may argue that it doesn’t teach him anything but I would tell you that you’re wrong.
I’ve actually had parents tell me that you can’t call something a “gift” if you are going to “use” it against your children in the future.
I call another BS.
Real-life consequences for real-life mistakes.
If you slack off at your job, you will lose it. Why is it so difficult for parents to realize that we’re not our children’s FRIENDS? We’re their PARENTS. We have been blessed with the task of teaching them how to manage this life the best way we know how. That means teaching them right from wrong and doling out consequences where consequence is due.
SO. There you have it. I’m a bad parent. And for all you other swatting parents out there, high five.
While I welcome friendly debate in my comments, rude and intolerant comments will be removed.
- “Bad Parenting” Techniques That I Practice Daily: Part 1 (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
- Why I Linger in Bed (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
- Migraine Milkshakes (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
All the perfect parents, raise your hands!
I hope not a single one of you raised so much as a fingernail.
I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. I am learning just like the next parent, and one of the biggest lessons that I have taken away from parenthood is that each child is different, which means that I have to parent each child differently.
For me, that means that Styles responds well to praise and negatively to constructive criticism. Madilyn responds well to…nothing. And Grady seems to respond to a slightly raised voice and redirection. Styles was sleeping through the night at 2 months, Madilyn was crying herself to sleep until about 6 months ago, and Grady is still up a few times a night after 2 weeks of sleeping through the night.
Did you hear that?
I heard a loud, resounding gasp for air from all of the NON-Cry-it-Out parents out there. You know the ones! The ones who swear that your child’s brain cells are depleted by the millions with every tear they shed.
I call BS.
There is a difference between a child who is scared for their lives screaming, and a child who is pissed off that she has to be in her bed instead of joining the party in the living room.
There is a difference between letting a newborn cry, and a child who is one or older.
Kids are STUBBORN and guess what? They don’t know what’s best for themselves. Staying up with Mom and Dad until midnight is WAY more fun than going to bed at 8. But as my children’s parent, I know that they need their sleep for positive brain and physical development.
So that brings me to:
”Bad Parenting” Technique #1: Crying it out:
We tried everything with Madilyn including nursing her to sleep then laying her down, rocking her to sleep, letting her stay up, letting her sleep with us, and crying it out (within reason). What worked for her?
If you took Madilyn in any of the scenarios that I listed above. she was screaming in anger as soon as you put her in bed. She could wake up from a deep sleep to tell you how pissed off she was that you weren’t going to let her stay up with you. We finally realized that after telling us through her cries (because that’s how babies communicate), that she was mad at us, she would quiet down after about 15 minutes and fall soundly to sleep where she would sleep until 3am for a quick nurse. I know many parents in the Attachment Parenting circles would never admit this in public. I just did so you don’t have to.
That same scenario doesn’t work for Grady. He will cry frantically all night long if you let him so I go in to him when he wakes up and I pat his butt until he falls back to sleep.
Different child. Different parenting. Does that mean that I’m not an Attachment Parent? Nope. It means that I’m an Intuitive Parent and I parent my children according to their own individual needs, not my own ideals.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #2: Not Changing a Dirty Diaper IMMEDIATELY
Grady takes about 30 minutes to empty his bowels. If you change his diaper immediately upon smelling a little turd, that time is extended to about 90 minutes. If you just let the kid poop and hang out in it for about 30 minutes, he will empty his bowels in short spurts over the course of a half an hour. If you change him as soon as you smell a turd, you will change approximately 4 diapers over the course of an hour and a half.
I’d rather let him finish his biznezz than change 4 poopy diapers, what say you?
“Bad Parenting” Technique #3: Body Parts & Their Names
I took a Psychology of Human Sexuality in college and the one thing that REALLY stuck with me was to call your children’s privates by their anatomical names. This removes any confusion and shame associated with private parts. A penis is a penis. A vagina is a vagina. That is what they are and there is nothing dirty about those names. Madilyn knows that she has a vagina and that Daddy, Styles, and Grady have penises. There’s nothing nasty or sexual about her saying those things, she’s just calling a rose a rose, you read?
“Bad Parenting” Technique #4: Independent Play
I let my kids play independently. A lot. I am not up their rear ends all day long, though sometimes they are up mine. I allow them to play in the play room or in Madilyn’s room. I let Styles play in his room and use his imagination without interference. I don’t use flash cards on my 2 year old to teach her the alphabet and I don’t insist that she learn to read or do mathematical equations at this age. At the age of two, anything that they are taught is strictly memorization. Your kid can read? Your 2 year old knows their alphabet by sight? It doesn’t impress me. Let me bust out a book that they’ve NEVER seen with nary a picture and then we’ll talk about toddlers reading.
I know I sound harsh, I’m just being honest.
There are other parents out there like me who feel inadequate because of all of the kids around them who know their alphabet and small words by sight. Forget them, my friends. Forget them. All of our children will catch up by 1st grade.
I think that at this age, independent play is extremely important. Styles played independently and didn’t know his alphabet by sight until he was in VPK at the age of 4. He also cried it out for a few nights before he could sleep through the night. Guess what? He’s in the gifted program, consistently scores “above average” on state tests, doesn’t have to study one iota to get an “A” in a class, and is a relatively well-rounded kid. So for us? Independent play it is.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #5: Let Them Get Hurt
Yeah, you heard me right. Let them get hurt. How on earth will they ever learn what NOT to do if you don’t let them make mistakes? I mean that in emotional terms and physical terms. When Grady is running down our slanted driveway, on the verge of falling flat on his face, I let him fall. How else will he learn to be more cautious? When Styles would rather play than work on his science fair project, I let him play so that he learns how much it hurts to cram your project into one weekend. How else will he learn to have time management?
And when my kids hurt themselves physically, you can bet I’m in the background clapping my hands and screaming, “YAAAAAAYY!!!!” instead of running to their aid. Teaching them to act dramatically when something bad happens just sets them up for relationship and work failure in the future.
Call me stony. It’s what I do.
I have 5 more “Bad Parenting” Techniques that will be continued tomorrow.
What “Bad Parenting” Techniques do you practice?
- Why I Linger in Bed (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
- Migraine Milkshakes (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
- How This is Going to Go Down (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
I apologize that this is 4 days late hitting the web, I genuinely do. I had become stuck in a rut and was spending WAY too much time on the computer and not nearly enough time with my children or being a good (house)wife. I unplugged for a few days and spent an astonishing amount of time outside playing and teaching my 10 year old to ride his bike.
No, I’m not kidding.
Last Tuesday, we started the 21 Day Body Transformation. I’ve found it to be only lightly time-consuming and extremely worthwhile. I believe this coming week, things will pick up and we’ll spend more time working on our muscle building and cardiovascular activities, although I haven’t looked ahead to find out whether or not that’s a true statement. I like taking it one day at a time. If you want to join us, it’s not too late!
I want to lightly touch on something this week that has been bothering me in regards to Paleo. Not anything about Paleo in particular, but about how people react when they hear that we don’t eat grains.
I can’t tell you how many times in the past 3 months I’ve heard, *GASP*”You don’t eat GRAINS? But you need them to survive! You need them to produce good breastmilk! You need them for fiber and nutrients! Your children NEED grains to lead healthy lives!”
How on earth did the Homo Sapien survive to this point considering grains weren’t edible up until a few thousand years ago? Blows my mind.
I also like this one: “Oh, yeah. Another fad diet.”
Well, no. Not so much considering it’s how our ancestors thousands of years ago ate.
My favorite: ”Cavemen didn’t eat THAT” (whatever “that” is from a paleo-approved cookie to a crock-pot roasted Boston Butt smothered in homemade Barbecue sauce and eaten in a butter lettuce leaf.
You’re right. Cavemen DIDN’T eat THAT. Paleo is not a historical reenactment. It is an intuitive way of eating that builds its foundation on the things that our ancestors would have hunted and gathered. We are lucky to live in a time and place where technology is king and we are able to eat things made with the ingredients that our ancestors ate, but made in a different way.
Lucky me. Poor caveman.
SO yeah, that’s all I have to say about that. Do you have people heckle you for your choice to be healthier? What do you respond to them when they roll their eyes at your healthy decisions? Leave me a comment and then use the Rafflecopter below to tell me that you did so to win some really great Paleo prizes, including “Eat Like a Dinosaur” by The Paleo Parents.
(Dinner menu below the Rafflecopter)
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