Months and months ago I shared that we were finally in the market to put Madilyn into a big girl bed because I found her dangling over the side of her crib one day. Well, it took me until a week ago to finally make the leap. I just KNEW that Madilyn was going to [...]
Oct 132012
I was at the mall with my unassuming and naive children today, when I noticed this shirt screaming at me from a store display window.
“Show me your tricks, I”ll show you my treats”
This particular store (same store, different city), accused me of stealing something when I was 15. A woman blatantly walked up to me and told me to lift my shirt because she thought I had hidden something in there. I told her it was just my fat roll. She said she didn’t believe me. This banter went on for about 2 minutes before I left the store crying and was followed by security. I swear to you, I had stolen nothing and I haven’t set foot in this store since. That was 16 years ago.
So when I saw this shirt today, my heart started to race like an Indy Car. This store markets to young girls, about high school age and the message on this shirt SHOCKS me. I was a bit of a flirt back in high school but I’m relatively sure I never wore anything with a racy message on it. I might have done a little booty dancing back in the day with the finest athletes in the Arctic Tundra I called home, but I didn’t strut around school or the mall with a shirt that blatantly called myself a whore.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive to the message on this shirt? Maybe it’s because I now have a daughter of my own. Or perhaps it’s because I have a tween son who is recently interested in girls. Whatever it is, this shirt DISGUSTS me. It also DISGUSTS me that a store that markets to high school girls is sending this type of message. And if I ever see a girl wearing this shirt, I’m going to show her a trick of my own.
What kind of message do you think this shirt sends?
Would you let your daughter wear it?
Am I being an old fart?
“Bad Parenting” Techniques That I Practice Daily: Part 1
started off as a 10 item list but because it was so stinking long, I broke it into two parts. You are graced today with Part 2. This one is sure to knock a few socks off.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #6: No Doctor is (sometimes) the Best Doctor
I don’t go running to the doctor every time my kids get runny noses or fevers. I realize that the body has natural defenses in place to rid itself of viruses and bacteria. I allow the body ample time to prove to me that it can do what it is made to do before running to the first doctor in the phone book. I look to natural remedies before making antibiotics my go-to cure-all. I am so proud of the body’s ability to heal itself and I love seeing it in action.
Now don’t get me wrong. When Grady was up at 1am barking like a seal and heaving difficult breaths, I was at the ER in a heartbeat. But for the normal, hum drum runny nose or fever? We stay home and get lots of fluids and cuddles in.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #7: No Milk is the Best Milk
Grady is still breastfed and he is 13 months old. I don’t plan on weaning him any time soon. Madilyn has massive constipation issues (we’re talking Turd of the Century), and cow’s milk complicates them so we don’t drink it.
We have Almond milk and coconut milk but no dairy.
“HOW DO THEY GET THEIR CALCIUM?!”
Welp, almond milk has more calcium than dairy milk and is just generally healthier. My kids get my milk, almond milk, coconut milk, or no milk at all.
“THEN WHAT ELSE DO THEY DRINK?”
Water.
Chew on this: We are the only species of animal that drinks the milk of another animal. Gwoss.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #8: Let Them Watch TV!
The TV is perpetually on at my house. My husband is obsessed and Madilyn likes the background noise. She doesn’t sit in front of the TV and constantly watch it, but even while she’s playing, she enjoys hearing her “shows”. Their night time routine consists of a bath then 30 minutes with Sprout. At noon we watch Caillou for an hour. EVERY. STINKING. DAY. Mommy needs to get something done around the house? Let them eat cake. Er…I mean…watch TV.
“Bad Parenting” Technique #9: Body Art is A-OK
I have 4 tattoos, The Workaholic has 1. One is on my foot, I have an enormous tree on my left side/rib cage, kanji for “Summer” on my left shoulder, and the big dipper on my foot. I can’t very well tell my kids to not draw all over themselves with markers, can I? This leads me to follow the “lead by example” form of parenting. It doesn’t always work out that way but if Madilyn does or says something naughty and I know I’ve done or said the same thing, I don’t jump down her throat.
Sharpie all over your body? My bad. Hope you had fun! Now where can I put those markers where they can’t find them?
“Bad Parenting” Technique #10: I Discipline My Children
*GASP* I use all forms of discipline. Nothing cruel and unusual, but I use all forms. Time out is Madilyn’s favorite. Swatting her rear end lightly, really gets her attention and all I have to do is ask her, “What happens when you don’t listen?” She generally stops whatever she’s doing immediately.
Yeah. I said swatting. Call it what you will. Spanking. Tapping. Abuse. Fear mongering. Whatever. I’m the parent of my own kids. It is my duty to discipline (Definition: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character) as I see fit.
My mom spanked me. Did I like it? Nope.
Did I fear her? I feared the consequences of my actions when I messed up, sure.
Did I feel as though she didn’t love me? No. Spanking was always followed up by a heart-to-heart talk, just as it is in our home now.
Was spanking effective for me? Yes. I was rarely spanked and I always thought about the consequences of my actions before I did anything.
Do I fear her now? No. As a matter of fact, we have an open and honest relationship and she is one of my closest friends now that I am also an adult.
We also practice grounding, eliminating fun time, taking things away, etc… Styles loves his laptop, DSi, and XBox more than words. When he makes bad choices, his rights to those things are removed for prescribed periods of time. You may argue that it doesn’t teach him anything but I would tell you that you’re wrong.
I’ve actually had parents tell me that you can’t call something a “gift” if you are going to “use” it against your children in the future.
I call another BS.
Real-life consequences for real-life mistakes.
If you slack off at your job, you will lose it. Why is it so difficult for parents to realize that we’re not our children’s FRIENDS? We’re their PARENTS. We have been blessed with the task of teaching them how to manage this life the best way we know how. That means teaching them right from wrong and doling out consequences where consequence is due.
SO. There you have it. I’m a bad parent. And for all you other swatting parents out there, high five.
Clearly she hates me.
While I welcome friendly debate in my comments, rude and intolerant comments will be removed.
Related articles
- “Bad Parenting” Techniques That I Practice Daily: Part 1 (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
- Why I Linger in Bed (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
- Migraine Milkshakes (bananahammocksandtutus.com)
Dec 072011
I am so, completely over hearing about parents who are up in arms about dressing their baby girls up in pink ruffles and frills. These are the same people who assert that gender “stereotyping” is out of control in the media and scream for gender “equality”. They think that our girls should wear clothing with fire trucks and bugs on them and stay away from the princess play that so many girls in our “twisted” society partake in. These are the same people who think that it’s OK for their little boys to paint their fingernails pink but not their girls.
What is WRONG with this picture?
Why is it OK for a boy to paint his fingernails pink and wear high heels and a tiara but not a girl? And since when is the sex of a person a “stereotype”? I’m a girl. It’s what I am. I have a vagina and breasts, ovaries and a uterus. I can give birth and I can make milk. I’m a freaking GIRL. There are signs that notify people of what sex I am and I’m still not sure why people care so much that hospitals differentiate between boys and girls by using blue and pink. It’s a color, not a label. A COLOR, people!
My 10 year old boy wears pink shirts and enjoys playing baby dolls with his little sister. He also thinks that guns are a ton-o-fun and loves anything with a skull and crossbones on it. My daughter has a closet full of dresses, pants, skirts, shorts, and shirts that are every color you can possibly imagine. She plays with her baby dolls, loves to paint her nails, and is overjoyed when she is allowed to watch her mommy put makeup on. Her bedroom is black and white with a lady bug coverlet. My baby boy has a wardrobe full of boyish clothing with not a single “girly” thing and baseballs on his walls. My daughter wears pink shirts with brown pants and I put bows in her hair. She wears frilly dresses with sandals. She wears football shirts with jeans. She LOVES playing with her baby dolls and riding her pink tricycle. Oh wait, she likes riding her red tricycle too. And playing ball. She has Disney Princess dolls and a Disney Princess tent that we call her castle.
Shoot me.
So back to this “I’m a woman” thing. I wear jeans and t-shirts sometimes but I feel my most feminine, pretty, and comfortable when I’m dressed up with makeup and a skirt on. Why on earth does this make me a demon? I think mascara is God’s gift to my blonde lashes. I LOVE glitter and sequins. The Holiday Season is one of my favorites because it gives me an excuse to dress up like a princess. Spring and summer are amazing too because tanks and skirts are amazing, paired with a fresh pedicure and dewy skin. I believe that love conquers all, that there IS such a thing as happily ever after (although I know that it takes blood, sweat, and tears to get there), and that Prince Charming looks differently to you than he/she/it does to me.
If you’re not a girly girl, that’s no biggie. I don’t judge you for it. I think that it’s awesome if you are more comfortable hanging with the guys in your ripped jeans and oversized t-shirts. Go play soccer with no thought of ever picking up a skin shimmer brush. You can even force that lifestyle on your little girl, I still make no judgments. I just want you to tell me how it is different than me buying girly clothes and baby dolls for my daughter.
Do you really subscribe to the theory that letting your daughter watch princess movies, or play with Barbies, or wear frilly dresses at dress up time will cause her to grow up with an eating disorder, low self esteem, or unrealistic expectations in relationships? Yeah, just like letting your little boy dress up in dresses and paint his fingernails pink will cause him to grow up to be gay.
PLEASE.
Expectations, self esteem, and reality start at home, with positive parenting. It has little to do with allowing a girl to pretend to be a princess and find her Prince Charming. It has very little to do with the way that you dress them, case in point: Chaz Bono. Have you ever seen pictures of Chastity Bono as a little girl in her pretty, frilly dresses? He doesn’t wear those now. I know that Chaz went through a rough time emotionally due to being afraid of what his parents would say about his gender identification and I can understand why. I just don’t think that you can expect that your child is going to have a gender identification issue. I believe it is safe to say that the majority of girls born, grow up to identify as women and the majority of boys born grow up to identify as men. When you nurture your child’s individual needs, talents, and personalities, you will raise up extremely well rounded adults who have realistic expectations and solid self esteem. Allowing your children to steer you towards new ways to challenge and love them is more important than putting your girl in primary colors and forcing them to play with dump trucks. I can say from personal experience, that having your parents tell you how smart you are, or that you can be a construction worker instead of a nurse, is not enough to foster a well-rounded and self-aware child. Little girls need to hear that they are pretty, that they are adored, and that they are special. Argue that point with me all you want to, I have the experience to back me up. My dad always pushed academically and lauded my talents but never told me how pretty I was or how important to him I was. I now have “daddy issues” that I am, at the age of 30, learning to work through.
Like anything, finding a balance between praising smarts or talent and beauty (which encompasses both the inner and outer person), is important in raising healthy children. I may not be pretty in the eyes of the media but someone finds me lovely. Someone thinks that I have a great personality or pretty teeth. ”Beauty” doesn’t have to look like a supermodel.
Again, why is this such a big deal? We have boy and girl toys in our house. Madilyn has a Chuck the Truck toy that she plays with rarely. She prefers her baby dolls and that doesn’t bother me one bit. Some days, she picks out blue clothes and some days she wants to wear pink, frilly dresses. Limiting these “girly” things in your daughter’s life is doing them just as much disservice as limiting more masculine toys in their toy box. Let THEM choose who they want to be. Allow them to dream. Don’t turn up your nose when they want to put on a puffy dress and pretend to be rescued by the man of their dreams. Let them paint their fingernails pink (for goodness sake, if you let your little boy paint his nails, let your little girl too). Allow your daughter to be a girly, frilly, sparkly, glittery girl if that’s what she wants to be.
Then take her on a drive through prestigious neighborhoods and tell her that she can be an astronaut, or a physicist, or a doctor and live in one of those houses some day. Tell her that it takes hard work, persistence, and patience to become what she wants to be, not the color of the clothes that she wears or the toys that she plays with as a child.
But if she wants to be a model or an actress or a stay at home mom, nurture those skills in her and push her to do what she loves.
Because of your incessant meddling, she may very well miss her calling.
Yeast. And I’m not Talkin’ Fleischmann’sIf you’re one of the many who can’t handle my candor, leave now. Or go to one of my other, less {TMI} posts like this one or this one. When I was 15 I got my first yeast infection. When my hooha started itching I was horrified and refused to tell my mom [...] |
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C.A.B.D.Today on a trip to the happiest place on Earth (WalMart), Madilyn found a Creepy Ass Baby Doll that she really, really wanted. You know the kind of doll I’m talking about. It’s airbrushed to look real, has wrist-rolls, fat piggie toes, and those eyes that close when you lay it down? The kind of [...] |
She’s Beautiful, So Why Aren’t I?Having a daughter scares me. I grew up with a mother who struggled with body image. She was anorexic/bulimic and I had to call 911 multiple times for her passing out after not eating for weeks. I’ll never forget when she weighed 88 lbs at 5’7″ and would suck her stomach in until you could [...] |
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